


Mad, Midnight Endearments

by jesterlady



Category: Dollhouse
Genre: Angst, Dystopia, F/M, Future Fic, Goodbyes, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-10
Updated: 2011-11-10
Packaged: 2017-10-25 21:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why had Tony never been back to Safehaven in three years?  What happened there that time that helped make Priya so bitter?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mad, Midnight Endearments

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Dollhouse. The title is by CS Lewis

The bullet pierced into his thigh and he gritted his teeth, somehow managing to stay on his feet. He couldn't afford to lie down and give into the pain. Harding's men were right behind them and having weapons skills didn't make someone bulletproof. He'd learned that the hard way many times and again today.

“You coming, Vic?” Romeo asked from somewhere ahead. 

It was too dark to see properly which is probably why the bullet had hit his leg instead of his head.

“Get going,” Tony yelled in return. “Don't wait for me.”

“Wasn't planning on it, boss.”

Tony had to smile at that. He knew perfectly well the type of people that he was leader of. It wasn't an ideal situation but at least he could count on them to do what was necessary. Some of them he'd known since the fall of Rossum, others had been stragglers in a wasteland of ruined lives. But all of them were eager for the fight.

With a bit of effort he made it to the truck just before they pulled away. He put down his weapon and counted heads. They'd lost two fighters.

“Everyone themselves?”

“As much as we can be,” Kilo answered without looking up from where she was stitching up her arm.

“Usual procedures, people,” Tony ordered. “We're more vulnerable to being wiped and you all know it.”

Birthmarks were checked, questions were asked, and Tony ignored the pain in his leg until he knew his people were all who they were supposed to be. The birthmarks were an inspired idea and he could thank a vital mind with the ability to create and recklessly destroy at the same time for the failsafe method.

He didn't want to think about that right now.

“Where to?” Gradner asked. He was driving, aimlessly, it looked like. “They took our closest safe house last week.”

“I know. Shut up and let me think.” 

But Tony didn't have to think, he knew where they had to go. There wasn't anyplace else and he cursed the situation that had caused their desperation.

“We gotta do it,” he said. “Let's hit Safehaven.”

There was a collective groan from amidst his followers. It was a Safehaven all right, but not for tech heads like them. They weren't exactly welcome even if, for some reason, they were always looked after. Maybe because they were fellow human beings or maybe because their boss had certain connections. Tony smiled grimly. Maybe a combo of both. But now it was time to call up those connections and he hated to do it. It was easier for him to stay away and he thought it was easier for her if she didn't have to see him.

But he still ended up having to more often than not. Safehaven was quite literally a refuge for Actuals and it boasted the two strongest warriors of the resistance besides himself, Alpha having fallen off the map the year before. It had been three months since Tony'd seen her and the memory of leaving again was still fresh in his mind.

He had no doubt she'd be very unhappy to see him, but a large part of him was never happy unless he was near her and three months was a long time to not see the growth of his son. They could stock up, have a rest, and refresh themselves for another long fight. He'd been planning a major offensive on some of the lesser known old Rossum suits and he wanted to make sure he was absolutely ready before doing it. Which wouldn't be happening with his leg in the shape it was.

“You know where to go,” he said quietly. “Just get us there.” 

The truck made a rather steep turn and then there was nothing left to do but wait.

***

Safehaven wasn't necessarily beautiful, but to someone who was used to rotting corpses, gunfights, and the look of idiocy on former friend's faces - it was a refuge greatly to be desired. Tony was tired and wounded and it looked like heaven indeed. Especially with Priya standing at the kitchen door, not advancing toward them, but not slamming the door either.

“Good to see you, man,” Paul said, giving him a quick hug. 

Echo did the same, hers filled with more warmth than Tony felt he deserved. 

“Sorry to crash the party, but our resources have been plundered recently. We need to stock up again.”

“So you figure you'll just grab what others have actually worked for?” Priya's biting tones carried in the night air.

“I figure we'll ask our friends to help us,” Tony said in reply, not looking at her. 

He could understand her anger for the most part, but he did his best not to be drawn into a fight. It was bad enough living without her without fighting with her, too.

“We're always here for you,” Echo said. “Just like you are for us. Now, what can we do?”

“We've got some wounded and we're all hungry.”

“Food's scarce right now,” Paul said. “But we'll share.”

“You eat first,” Tony said, then buckled as his leg finally gave out on him.

“Tony!” Priya said, startling them all with her close proximity. 

She'd obviously been moving toward them in the dark.

“It's all right,” he said, biting his tongue. “Just a bullet.”

Paul put his arm underneath Tony's and helped him stagger into the house. Priya and Echo went ahead to their small room used for matters such as this. It was a hard thing, but it was necessary. 

“The Doc's out at another house,” Echo said. “We'll get him back.”

“I can do it,” Priya said firmly. “Get everyone else taken care of.”

“Priya?” Echo asked.

“I'm fine. Just go and keep...keep T away from here.” 

Tony looked at her sharply, but he didn't argue. He didn't want to.

“You weren't always much for blood,” he said quietly when they were alone.

“People change,” she said curtly, grabbing some preciously harbored antiseptic.

He hissed as she poured it over the wound.

“Not that much.”

“I'm not going to fight,” she said. “You're wounded and I'm still human. That's what we humans do.”

“Humanity isn't all cut from the same cloth,” he said. “Some of them don't help.”

“I do.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, gripping the table as she started to probe the hole in his leg.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Harding and Ambrose. The usual. We've got some good intel about some of their men now.”

“Ambrose has it in for you,” she said.

“Yeah, for some reason.”

“Probably because he handpicked you to be his replacement and now you're just another Doll roaming the wilderness.” 

She pulled the bullet out with some effort, but that didn't hurt as much as her words had.

“I'm not a Doll,” he said sharply.

“You're a tech head, it's just as bad. You're not normal.”

“Are you?”

“How dare you say that to me!”

“You said it first, Priya.”

“We're not children,” she said finally, grabbing some needle and thread.

“So can we act like adults then?” he asked softly, putting his hand on top of hers. She didn't react for a few seconds and then pulled her hand away. “Please, Priya,” he said. “I hate leaving you angry like this.”

“But you still leave,” she said, stitching quickly.

“I have to. You know that.”

“No, I don't. We're supposed to be what's important, T and me. But we're just collateral damage in your race for inhumanity.”

“That's not true. I don't want him anywhere near the tech, or you. I just want you safe.”

“Do we have to be kept safe from you?” she asked. “That's not a fair thing to ask of us.”

“I know,” he said, but he couldn't say anything else, because he believed it was necessary and she didn't and their arguments always came down to that. 

“You're done,” she said, clipping the end of the thread. “Anything else?”

“I can do the rest,” he said, pulling his shirt off and revealing a couple of weeks old stab wound on his right shoulder.

“Not with one arm, you can't,” she said, after gasping at the sight. “Let me.” 

She stood close and he could smell her hair and he had to close his eyes. She was everything he wanted. When he opened his eyes, she was staring at him, her hands burning on his arm, hair in her wild and beautiful face.

His hand came up of its own accord and captured the hair that was flying free. He caressed it and tucked it back behind her ear, a single finger tracing the length of her jaw. She closed her own eyes and let it happen.

“Tony,” she whispered. He waited. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“I don't know,” she finally said. “Just not now.”

He dropped his hand away and she went back to examining his shoulder. 

“This will heal faster with a dressing,” she said in a more normal tone of voice. “And if you let it rest for awhile.”

“We'll be here a few days at least,” he said. 

“That will be good...for your arm,” she said. “I have to go put T to bed.”

“How is he?” Tony asked, the need to know dragging the question out of him.

She paused before answering.

“He's wonderful,” she said and left. 

Tony sat there, struggling inwardly until he was interrupted by some of his crew also in need of medical attention. The actual Doctor returned from whatever house he'd been in and Tony left to make room. 

***

They were at Safehaven for three days. Tony didn't see Priya alone during that time. She made sure she always had someone with her and, really, they were all working too hard to pay much attention to the visitors. He mainly talked strategy with Echo and Paul, catching up on all the news. It was good to see Adelle and Topher again. He hungrily watched to see whenever Priya or T was in sight, drinking in the sight of those he couldn't be with. There were other people he wanted to see and he made a visit to the other houses to call on them. It was late when he got back on the third day. He talked with Paul a while, then stepped outside to get some air.

He knew of Priya's love for her garden, despite the hardship that it was. He moved closer to it, almost unconsciously. If he couldn't be close to her, he might as well be with what she loved. He almost stumbled onto her as she sat next to it.

She didn't say anything when he sat down beside her. It was very dark here without any electrical light, but the stars were bright and the moon was almost full. He could see her face dimly and it was just as beautiful no matter the light.

“We're leaving in the morning,” he said after a while.

“I know.”

“I'm glad I get to say goodbye.”

“Don't...just don't,” she said raggedly.

“I'm sorry.”

“No, I just...Tony, remember how simple life used to be?”

“I don't remember life being simple since I've known you.” 

He could see the start of a smile.

“No, life before that though. And even just- I don't know. Back when it was us against the world.”

“We're still against the world,” he said.

“Not so much an us though.”

“No,” he agreed sadly.

The silence reigned between them for a few moments before she sucked in a breath.

“T asked me about you the other day.” 

Tony started.

“You didn't-”

“No,” she said. “He didn't ask about his father. He asked about the man who was limping.”

“What'd you say?”

“I said to stay away from him, but not be afraid of him.”

“Good.” Silence. “Thank you,” he said, realizing he needed to say it.

“What for?”

“I would never want him to be afraid of me.”

“Please don't give him reason to be,” she begged, suddenly turning toward him and holding his shirt, burning him with her proximity. 

Tony leaned forward and grazed his lips to her forehead.

“I won't,” he breathed. “That's a promise.”

“I believe you,” she said and kissed his lips. 

He eagerly reciprocated, his hands coming up to touch her face, her shoulders, her waist, all that he'd missed for so long.

The touching and tasting and needing went on for too short a time. She pulled his shirt off and gently traced the lines of his scars.

“We shouldn't be doing this,” she said, yet not stopping her delightful touch.

“Then tell me now,” he said, his hands grazing over acres of skin, harder than skin should be, but soft and perfect to him. “Because I've been away from you for far too long.”

“I've missed you, this,” she said. “I don't want to stop.”

“It doesn't change anything, though,” he said, his honor compelling him to speak. “I can't stay.”

“We can fight about that later,” she said. 

He looked as hard into her eyes as he could in the bad light, but he couldn't find anything that made him ashamed of what he wanted to do.

“I do love you, Priya,” he said, dipping his head to her neck. “Since before I knew you.”

“And I'll love you even when you leave,” she said. 

He couldn't be sure of that, but they both deserved this respite, this indulgence. Her more than him. He slowly slipped her dress up over her head and gloried in all that was Priya lying before him.

She wrapped herself around him and he was able to know her all over again. She was just as he remembered, if not more. Her whispered words that he couldn't quite understand, the cold air on his back, the dirt clinging to his fingernails, the sharp pain in his leg, the aching need being satiated: these were all things he could file away in the back of his mind. Never to forget, no matter what else might be in his skull.

They'd slept in far worse places on the way to this haven. He'd slept in far worse places since. She was so much thinner than he remembered, but he draped himself around her as she burrowed into his side and they slept together under the stars.

***

When he woke up he knew it had been a mistake. Her eyes were fluttering open, but they were anxious, full of fear he'd swore never to put there. 

It was still early morning and nobody was up yet, but they needed to leave before they made a spectacle of themselves before any early risers.

He helped her to her feet and they both didn't say anything. He brushed dirt off and looked over her garden. It was on its way, but it was struggling. She could probably use some help. He wished it could be him. Laughing and pulling weeds, throwing dirt at her when her mischievous face made him feel like a fool, sitting down together at evening to enjoy their hard day's work and fill their bellies with it.

The silence stretched out, interminable. She broke it in the end.

“Don't go,” she said quietly. “I know you said...please, stay with us.” 

His heart broke again to hear her voice pleading with him like that, knowing he'd have to hurt her. Why had he given her hope again? Hadn't he known that hope to her was too cruel a thought to bear?

It was hard to answer, even though he knew what his answer was going to be. The desire to stay with her was overpowering.

He put his arm around her and kissed her forehead.

“I'm sorry.” His voice was raspy and he wished he sounded gentler, but his body wasn’t cooperating. 

She stood still for a moment and then pushed him away.

“This can't ever happen again,” she said sternly.

“I won't come here anymore,” he said, promising her and himself. “I won't put you through it.”

“Where will you go?”

“We'll find somewhere, we'll do something. It's what we do.”

“You and whatever tech you put in your head to do it,” she said quietly, but bitterly.

“Do something for me,” he said, turning to her. “Love him and keep him safe. Let him know there's real humanity in the world. Grow your garden and forget that I exist if that will help.”

She just looked at him and he couldn't stand the look of betrayal in her eyes, the beginnings of hate that he could see.

“Goodbye, Tony,” she said and walked toward the house.

He waited before following her. There were people cooking breakfast. He ate quickly, gathered his people, and said goodbye to the people he cared about. Leaving here meant saying goodbye to more than just his family. He stole one last glance at T, memorizing the tiny boy's face. 

“Come again,” Paul said as Tony climbed into the truck.

“Don't worry if you don't hear from us,” he said in reply. 

Paul's look didn't change, but Tony knew he understood. Paul had made the opposite choice Tony had, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t been a choice. 

“Take care,” he said, raising one hand.

Tony nodded and turned the truck away from what could be a home. That intel wouldn't last long and they needed to get on it. The fight went on and, until it was over, everyone had a sacrifice to make. He wouldn't come back here until the end. That was his.


End file.
